Once These Hands Fought Terror
I had large calcium oxalate stones in my left kidney and bladder as a teenager. The renal colic pain that wracked my body was biblical and sometimes lasted for days. Mother was on the periphery, with a syringe of morphine, a nurse, and prayer when the spasms came. She gave me barley water with lemon juice and held me in her arms as I lay sweating in the brass bed my father had restored. Eventually, she had the iconic surgeon Dr. PC Dubey remove my stones. They left a 13-inch scar on my side, but the colic attacks went away.
I had lived my life, knowing that my mother would be there when the pain came.
Mother conquered more than my kidney stones. She fought the patriarchy, an unjust society that relegated women to second-class status, banks that wouldn’t lend to women entrepreneurs. She started the first private nursing home in Lucknow by hocking her jewelry, took in the poor and homeless for free, and gave hundreds of newborns safe passage into the world. She fought the oppression of men, and of destiny itself, became a doctor at 50, and lived to bring happiness and prosperity to others.
Mother’s hands lifted bleeding car crash victims from the wreckage, (she was often on the scene before the ambulance arrived), gave away her money to anyone who needed it more, and held angry crowds back in times of trouble. Mother’s hands bent and twisted life into the shape she wanted. Even today, doctors of the city come and shake my hand, telling me they owe their careers to her. Car mechanics send salutations to the lady in the saree smoking cigarettes, who was one of the first in Lucknow to drive her own car and roll her own tobacco.
As I hold her hands now, while she slowly disappears into the shadows of father’s sunlit garden, I realize that you only become an adult when your mother is gone. And for the first time in my life, I feel the terror of no protection, I hear loud and clear the baying of the crowds that want to kill you, the desolation of being motherless.
But Mother taught me that life goes on beyond tyranny, tragedy, fear, and sorrow. She showed me that kindness, generosity, and courage are the strategies to success. And success itself is measured not by your wealth and power, but by how many people smile when they remember you after you’re gone.
